Today I don’t feel like doing anything

I woke up 2 hours ago, that is at 4am. No, I’m not a morning person. I wake up against the will and wishes of my bed as there are places I have to be at and things that I have to do.

But today I don’t feel like doing anything.

Not because I’m lazy but because I’m tired. We live in a world that is extremely demanding. Have you done this? Have you done that? Yoga? Gym? Flower arrangements ? Laundry? Pammi Aunty ko phone kiya? It’s crazy. It truly is. Every person expects you to be superman. When all you want to do is catch a good surf.

I often wonder why people have expectations from us? Is it because they feel the need to make us feel that we need to be some one? Or be doing something ‘worthwhile’ with our time? Or are they so needy, that they need us to be there for them and be doing things that they cannot themselves do?

Why is it that people have such great expectations from us?

De rerum natura

“And that’s the nature of things”. I remember my Dad saying this to me on two occasions and I wish to never forget how it rang a bell; multiple bells; when he said it. It’s like a tube light that went on inside my head.

We are always so consumed by our own thoughts of what is right, not right, what is and isnt. What should be and should not be. We forget a simple rule. No fingers are alike. Yet, when we look for companionship or friendship, we first always assess common grounds. Unfamiliar territories are mostly never explored, or ventured into unwilling.

I pause to think about it. make a mental note to remember to never forget it and not blow my lid every time. With peace made with thyself, I continue to do my yoga… And then I feel the more yoga I do, the more angrier I get. It’s good, because then Im angry with me, for not trying to accept people as they are… Accept Things as it is… Accept fate, accept destiny. Accept and not fight it. By then class is over. What I do take back home is a happier me, thankful for the wisdom, thankful for parents such as mine, only to return the next day, with the same dilemma.

Why can’t people be more like me? Why can’t things be the way I want them to be?

Yes, The most fun I’ve had is with people who are exact opposite to me, at times and in situations which were beyond my control (I’m a very controlling person!). I do blow up my lid every now and then when I didn’t get what I wanted or when people didn’t behave/ react the way I wanted them to. I try and remember what my dad said, “and that’s the nature of things”.

And then I secretly wish my Dad never told me that…

Anchors Away!

They say when haunted by a Ghost, there is only one way to get rid of it – accept it’s presence and then release it.

Life is similar. When our worst fears materialize, we need to accept reality and then move on. The fear will eventually diminish. Yea, it’s easier said than done. That’s why I’m saying it. It’s also easier to say it coz I’ve done it. 12.12.12 the date I thought I’d pull up the anchor and sail aboard ‘happily married’ to Wifedom. Too bad it didn’t happen, on my decided date. Too good it didn’t happen, till date. You see Life keeps telling us, “you are happy, wherever you are”. Too bad we are busy looking the other way. Wondering where the hell is the boat? Did I miss it? Guess what? You haven’t. Maybe because the Captain ain’t ready. Or maybe because he died on his way to the Harbour (yes, not everyone is made for someone. If they were, we wouldn’t have the crazy cat lady). You can call me sadist or cynical. I’m neither. I’m the eternal optimist. So what if I cannot be happy always. Who is? No, one one is, not always. Not every time.

So im gonna set sail on that boat either ways. What the fun in having a boat and not bumping it off some rough waves? The Captain be damned! I’ll not gonna only pull the blessed anchor away, but order full steam ahead. Change the name to ‘happily single’. after all, I’m Alice. No anchor, no date can keep me down. So what if i cannot be happy always? I’m gonna try and be. And that’s something right. Worse comes to worse, i’d atleast have an adventure out of it. What a story would that be now!

!Happy 2013!

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

I’m quite glad I didn’t hit the ‘yes, I’m sure’ button, a few seconds back. Had I done so, I would be writing this post under another wordpress.org name. I would keep my blog name intact. I love Alice in Wonderland. The story and the meaning. It gives me a sense of freedom, of relief. Obviously, because it was the only fairy-tale where the Damsel in Distress didn’t need saving from some stupid Prince. I wish you could see me roll my eyes. Stupid stupid Prince. (More rolling eyes). Moving on. For auld lang syne, I have pondered over hiding my domain name. Not under the carpet. No, I do not belong under the carpet! But somewhere in the esoteric cyberspace. To be stumbled upon those seeking, not me! but adventures similar to those of Alice in Wonderland.

Oh but how tired I am for those potential matches trying to judge me by what I write. Dude, one thing you gotta know, is that I write completely different from what I think. My writing is my meditation, if you’ll have it. It’s those moments when I get lost in my own words. Lost in my own world. It’s ME time. So lets pretend that I’m not in this room and that you cannot see me through that thin curtain and that for the time till I finish my piece, I do not exist.

Too bad you cannot do that. Stupid stupid Prince o’mine! Too bad you are forcing me to turn anonymous. Though that is something I should have done long ago. For this world is not a stage, but a courtroom, where your every thought will be mocked upon, every action judged, every friend masked with betrayal.

Behold thee in your eyes, dear Prince, for what I may seem to you, am not. I am the leaf that will dance to the tune of the wind. Sometimes pleasantly, sometimes so rough, that I may slit your very eye, in which I reside. Do not judge me, my dearly beloved, for I was told that you’d ne’er come and alas I roam this desert alone, seeking your reflection in the mirage.

Thus I change my existence to infinity and beyond. After all, nine to the dozen does equate to one hundred and eight.

Diwali – The Festival of Lights

I love Diwali. Not because its nice to watch all those crackers go up in smoke or the umpteen number of lights/divas/candles adding to global warming. I’m an environmentalist.

I love the festival (I’m a Gujju. Diwali starts almost a week in advance. To be calendar-ly precise, 3 days in advance) because of what it signifies. The victory of good over evil. The victory of righteous over selfish. A constant reminder that no matter how dark the times are (Kartik being the darkest month), a small diya can guide a long forgotten soul home (Lord Shri Ram). That no matter how dark the times are, a small prayer to Maa, be it Lakshmi, Kali, Saraswati or your own Mother, will bring in prosperity, strength and wisdom. After all all mothers want nothing short than the best for their children. That no matter how dark the times are, a new day is just around the corner!

And when that day comes, the dark times will fade; a New Year will begin. An opportunity to turn anew again. To try once more, to relive old promises, to be better at fulfilling them. To be righteous in your own accord. To cease to be selfish with those who care for you most. To let go of Evil and to learn to accept more Good. To remember that Karma is as important, if not more than Dharma. Rote praying to God will not earn you any brownie points. Your actions need to speak for themselves.

It’s just one festival. Honestly. But so much to learn. So much to see. So much to observe. Yes, there are other reasons why I love Diwali. If I let you in on all that, then there will be nothing more to write next year!

Wishing everyone a Happy Diwali and a Prosperous New Year!

That’s all Folks! Let there be Light, more on the inside, than outside 🙂

The Punchnama of Life

I came across this mutated saying last night. At first I laughed at it, as I assumed the person had forgotten the saying. As the wasabi cracker fired up my nostrils, the epiphany hit my brain stronger than the flavored cracker. So here it is, some food for thought. Do think about it, only then you will realize too.

Life has given you lemonade. You are making lemons out of it

Courtesy my Buddhist friend

The Solitary Reaper

{Dedicated to The Buddhist … “Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”}

They say being solitary is often a sign of weakness. An indication to those willing to join forces with you, to be ware. A hermit, some may call, an anchoret, the others. The reaper is judged for existing this way, for there must be some reason, why one chooses to be this way. A scandal is what they are looking for so they can gossip about, sitting by the pool in a fur. Hoping that it (scandal) be better then their own so they can escape and be society’ own.

But my dear friend, they (the world at large) are nothing but noise, laughing, frolicking at other’s fortune, believing it to be misfortune. It is a choice, a tough, often option less choice, yet a choice, to exist in solitude. To chose not to be or to be, is after all a choice too. (Yes, it really is a choice.) Because the Noise around us likes being loud and enjoys screwing its point right into our brain, we often are forced to hear it out, if not listen. And at this point, we would have concluded that something maybe wrong within, after all! Right you are, the point is wrong, absolutely!

The Solitary Reaper does not need people to be confident for he knows he is a valuable person, on this own. The confidence comes from within, when he learns that he is braver than he believed and stronger than he seemed. Being in solitude with one’s self is a remarkable force in itself. It requires a lot of courage and with time, it only makes you stronger, independent of the Noise and at peace with yourself. Solitude teaches you not only to be your best friend, but also to observe mundane things in an unconventional way, in a new light. Above all, solitude gives you the luxury of being alone with your thoughts. So appreciate the silence, talk to that inner voice, and see where all it leads you! This is my promise to you, my friend, the new place where you will stand next, is nothing short of an adventurous journey. Cherish the moment that you are in now, for this will be the pedestal for all your future happiness.

So hold your head, nor high, nor low, but richt between your shoulders. Remember there is no rhyme nor reason to exist in solitude except that solitude is positive. Fill your self with it and you will see that you light up the path, on which you walk alone.

P.S. you know where I will be, when disillusion replaces your light within.
look into your soul, for that is where I will be, your inner voice, who also walks alone.

Apologies and something else …

Erich Segal once wrote ‘Love means never having to say you’re sorry’ yet, time and again, we keep apologizing to a loved one, for doing something stupid (that’s the term they use to describe emotions, now you should’ve known that already). I wish for Utopia (yes, I know that you know it already) where I could be me and you could be you and we could be together and watch the pink sky turn grey, walk the creek till the dawn breaks and throw nose clips from my balcony to let you know that I was up there. Fortunately (not!) we have watched the sky, never knew we’d watch it turn black, pitch black like the pullover you wore back in the days, when the sky was still a deep rose pink. Oh! I forget, you live in a real world, where each sunset is followed by a sunrise. And you forget, that I live in the reel world, where I pin your face to the moon and he follows me (it so does in the real world, too) to where ever Life leads … I wonder if the moon is following me? or am I chasing him? And this is where the whole confusion starts! Sitting on that secluded beach, a place where you walked before, I tried retracing my steps, hoping that they’d lead me to you, subconsciously, tracing them to my mistakes, the confusion evaporating, cruelty settling in (I see a cloud in the distance and as it pours over the Arabian Sea, I cry, hoping the wind drowns my howl, which starts as the rains hit the plastic roof ). A debate here a debate there, through my tears I try to reason; why Jay and Meera make a great love story, why I want to retract my steps to 200X and never let go of your hand. I feel cheated, by you, for not letting me on the happenings. Even though I could clearly see inside of you, I wish, oh! how I wish, you had the courage to tell me things, to my face. In my ear. On an email. I feel angry, yes, with you, for not being able to communicate. And with me, for not understanding, the man you were and will be in the future. Oh! I don’t, still. I do. I just don’t understand why you are so rigid? So unforgiving? Get over yourself Preppie. I’m not sorry for; trying to keep us together, to make you fight for me, or to tell you that I’ll always love you and not just be in love with you…

From Bombay … With Love

They say Bombay is always a bustling city… no time to sleep, no time to eat, no time. Period. People are always running about … from point A to point B. I differ.

Just one sec. If you are reading this to know about the origin of Bombay or which galli has the best chaat food, where to shop from, blah blah bluh, then i’d request you to kindly kalti marofy, if you so may kindly oblige. Thank you!

Right moving on …

So, I differ. Bombay is not a bustling city! please! It’s THE BUSTLE! Not the frame to support and expand the fullness of the back of a woman’s skirt rather the noisy, full of excitement bustle. Yes, its so loud that your ear drums may go dhum dhum as does my Nephew. Ofcourse there less noisy places and if you, like yours truly, love the shaanti and would like to get rid of the jikh-jikh then you may read on …

The first place I love to visit is no doubt the Gateway of India. Truly a landmark, marking everything that followed during the Raj. 

Leaning on the wall, watching the waves slapping the wall, at times rising above the wall… listening to the birds chirping, vendors pursuing tourists and natives, alike, to take portrait pictures with the Gateway in the background. I turn around and watch people passing. Some Goras cover the distance from The Taj to the Gateway in a Horse-drawn tonga. I’m not sure if they are thinking it was a good thing that they left, or are they regretting that the Aam Janta has learnt much more that they hoped for?

With the thought still in my head, I turn to the Buddha, well I mean the music of Buddha Bar available at The Rhythm House. The one place where you can get any kind of music, be it classical, neo-classical or the latest hip-hop. Pure relaxation.

<I may continue this post some other day, for now, Sidney Bechet has started playing, and attention must be paid!>

There will always be a Choice!

{Dedicated to all my girls}

20 something and still contemplating tying the knot … my two options – to get married or not.

As some of you may gulp and think of how sad life might be and the absolute possibility of me living alone, dying alone, no one knowing what happened, till my corpse would be discovered – a week later (lets make it a month!); I beg to differ.

Who said a women has to get married, raise kids, make them study, wash tea cups and wash smelly socks? Or is it that only I have graduated to the 21st century?

I think (atleast assume) that single life will be great! I will tour the world, sun bathe in Barbados, shop at Lafayette, eat French Macarons, maybe even meet Mandela. Who knows, life is always full of surprises. I could always turn Jolie and adopt kids or have my own (dont exactly need a man, now do I?)

On the other hand, I think I would (atleast assume) love to wash tea cups, chase my kids around the backyard, teach them how to take care of their dog, bake for my hubby, and have a family holiday in Bahamas… Oh well, maybe just go down the road to Safa Park.

Oh! How I hate Choices!! Why do we have to choose to be miserable and feel happy about it or be happy and feel miserable about it?

I guess our Choices are what we become…

Many a times, we wish for the things we never had and maybe never will… and in all this wishful thinking, we forget to celebrate what we have. For Tomorrow will come and so will it’s best friend – Worry. We do not control them or Time… but what we do control is our reaction, our choices, yes, there will always be a choice … so, I guess, I will choose what I want when Tomorrow comes … not gonna blame my past situations for the choices I made then … it wasn’t the circumstances that made us … it was the choices we made…

I’m not the type to leave a quote at the end of my message, but since there was no video cool enough … here are some words of wisdom… courtesy Osho

Rejoice now ,
because if there is tomorrow,
you will be able to rejoice more deeply.
If there is no tomorrow, who cares!
We have rejoiced already!

XOXO