They say that as you grow older, you start losing your hair, teeth, old friends, maybe gain a few new, younger friends, if you are rich enough. But never did I realize, that you lose your feelings too. (No, no, I’m not talking about loose feelings … it’s lose feelings … as in lost :P)
Any ways, so Im not implying that you become cold hearted, or maybe if you are an 80 year old who refuses his granddaughter his coin collection, then you might just be cold hearted enough. But what I really mean to say is that you become Chuck Bass types, as you grow older (I know! He’s oh! SO HOT!) i.e. you dont feel a thing. Maybe jumping from a building, crashing your bike on a long winding road or hiring people to hurt you and stop at nothing, might make you feel the pain that you wanted, but is the pain enough? Is it this endless pain that will help you feel what you want to feel? Is it the overpowering feeling of self loathing that will help you forget the mistakes of the yester-years?
Or is it that you forget the mistakes of the first date when he sends you a text the next morning, just to say … G’morning? Oh, yes, I did partially burn the clothes i wore that day. Partially because the fire alarm went off and i had to drown them in the sink immediately. Thanks for asking btw 🙂
Why is it that you suddenly start getting butterflies in your stomach when you meet that TDH man for the gazillionth time? Why is it that we can endure all the pain and sadness that the world shoves our way, without breaking down? But we cannot hold overselves together when that oh! so unimportant person glances our way or sends us a ‘hello’ text or two?
Are we truly turning into a new breed of humans in relationships? If not, then why we cannot gather the courage and sincerity to be bonded in a committed relationship? Why is it that what was good for our fathers and our forefathers is no good for us today? Why doesn’t Love at First Sight exist anymore? Why doesn’t the guy love the girl, who is standing in front of him and asking him to love her? When did all this get so complicated?
Maybe it always was. Maybe we anrt a new breed. Just the old one and a tad bit cold hearted. Or maybe more practical. Cause after all, we all have grow up, grow older, grown out. Oh! grown soo out of love. Love – seems like a feeling/expression/intoxication so extinct that it lives only in children’s fairy-tales now.
So maybe this is me asking, yes, for my fairy-tale and this is me wanting every bit of it. I don’t want no pain no more. I don’t want to take a bullet though my heart no more. I don’t want to live in a world without love no more. Even though, it means living in a children’s book, for the rest of my life. Atleast this way, instead of running around town like a headless chicken, trying to find my Mr. Right, I know I will find my Beast and live happily ever after…